A lot of people in the Internet wrestling community had a good time poring over several pages of leaked announcer’s notes that the WWE supposedly supplies it commentators with. Being in the hot seat as the lead announcer of Monday Night Raw means not only coming with your “A game” for a live broadcast, but also having to hear Vince McMahon likely yell at you throughout the night on your headset with his idiosynchratic rules about what to say and how to say.
A subreddit on the Reddit site released the notes, and images of them got posted. If you haven’t seen them, it’s worth checking out if a) you’re interested in the behind-the-scenes production involved with commentators on WWE shows b) need some good wrestling humor.
You’ll see instructions such as not referring to championships as “belts,” encouraging announcers to “embellish the status of superstars,” and suggesting commentators read WWE.com all week as a resource on the federation’s storylines.
With all of this in mind, it made me wonder what notes might appears on an announcer’s cheat sheet in 1982. You can just image McMahon or Gorilla Monsoon going over these:
- Never describe a particular hold. It’s far easier to say, “What a maneuver!”
- Good guys should not “make a comeback.” Instead, the big moment should be described as: “Katy, bar the door!” or “He’s a house afire!”
- If a star is caught in a submission hold, immediately say, “This guy will never give up.”
- When two mid-carders wrestle on TV, it’s best to enhance the match by reminding fans: “This could be a main event anywhere in the world.”
- All other sports are to be criticized. Remind viewers that “There’s no time out in professional wrestling” or that “He didn’t like football — it wasn’t tough enough for him.”
- Strange wrestlers don’t come from Main Street, USA. Instead, they hail from Parts Unknown.
- Do not acknowledge when the crowds cheer a bad guy.
- Roided up wrestlers should be complimented on “being in great shape.”
What about you? Any talking points to add for 1980s announcers?